Saturday, March 14

A child would burst into a big laugh. An adult would spurt into a sly, mocking guffaw that they might want to kick me into the nearest pickup truck. Kablam, there goes another trash ass straight into the lap of the father’s scrap bin! And swoosh, there goes the scumass having a blast with those smarmy worms and greasy squanders all over the place.

I want to puke and give all the pleasure to be rowdy because of such filth before me. But the act of adding dirt inhibit me from doing so. My ass ached for the double punt. But then again it hurt me more knowing that I deserved to be dumped.

You’re a trash waiting to be kicked in a bash!

Once you’ve been thrown out from a nice and comfortable place, you’ll get to appreciate every little details of it. And once you’ve been into its total opposite, you’ll be grateful for even the biggest imperfection attached to it.

Living inside the sordid garbage truck with nothing but your fellow trash, I can’t help but appreciate those things that I used to have. Those people that I can talk to (no matter how pretentious they were). Those things that often I have neglected for I found slight use to them. And not knowing how and why, I’ve learned that life doesn’t always work the way you wanted it be. You have to learn first. And learning for me is the hardest part to bear. But life is a teacher and it taught me to be patient.

And so I think. I’ve been thinking a lot actually!

That maybe, if I said sorry to those people I have hurt, I’ll be more spirited in knowing how they feel. That maybe if I tried to understand them better, I’ll be able to know why they dumped me. That maybe, if I listened more and talked less I’ll be able to determine words that they often left unsaid. That maybe if I showed more appreciation and acceptance, I’ll be able to subdue the little nuisances of being bitter. Maybe, maybe then, I’ll be able to revive my wings…

And so I think again. Until it finally came to me. The smarmy worms never looked disgusting anymore, and these grease had stopped me from being riotous. More than that, I’ve learned to hold them in my own hands with out the slightest grunts. Without the feeling that these dirt might cause me to puke or kill me even.

This is rubbish, but this is me!

I do not know when will they take me from this new place that I have found.

Maybe one day a hand will lift me up and help me to be on track again. Maybe one day they will spare one more opening and let me fly with trust.

But I do not want that! I want to find my way out. And I want to do it on my own.

Maybe not now, not yet. I have yet to clean myself and learn what this life has been trying to teach me.

I haven’t yet unfold some important mysteries or its little expectancy. Not yet.

Life says, I have finished the first step, I have lived with the trash and accept them. Now I have to go through the next step. But to determine what it is… I do not know yet!